I’m not cold, I’m thermally challenged.

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I’m not cold, I’m thermally challenged.

by Payne Insider Jan 27, 2010

Written By: Ari Bazinsky
Owner of: Relax, it’s just life

So I’ve been in Chicago for a week now and here’s my analysis: it’s fucking freezing. And I don’t mean “let’s not forget our jackets” freezing – I mean “my balls ascended 8 inches into my stomach on the way to work” freezing. It’s unbelievable that this city was even developed. I understand the first group of settlers coming here in the summer and being excited about this wonderful, undiscovered land. But sometime during that first winter, shouldn’t somebody have approached Louis and Clark about the weather? “Uhhhh, hey you guys, I know you’re the leaders and all, and you’ve managed to find this hot little Indian girl who’s undoubtedly letting you two ride the train on her every night, but it’s cold as shit here. I’ve lost three body parts this week alone. Do you think maybe we can head south now?” (Okay, so Louis and Clark didn’t really discover Chicago, but I was having a tough time making a joke out of the forceful removal of an entire group of people from their land.)

Anyways, if you happen to be lucky enough to visit the Windy City during the winter – don’t. I can’t emphasize this point strongly enough. You know how everyone in Florida is super cold right now and doesn’t want to go outside? Well take that feeling – I mean really grasp it tight, like one of those little spongy stress balls – and then throw it right out the fucking window. You can’t even compare it to this hellish nightmare so don’t try. Just thank god that when you go to work in the morning you don’t have to worry about the fluid in your eyes spontaneously freezing, rendering you unable to blink as 40 mph wind blows snow into your preciously fragile retinas.

By the way, my internship is going great. I’m really liking the agency.

TAGS: Windy City | Chicago Bulls | Chicago Cubs | Chicago White Sox | Louis and Clark

I’m not cold, I’m thermally challenged.

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